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Good heavens. We dig chopped tops as much as the next guy, but this old Dodge van with a crew cut is out in the stratosphere. It kind of reminds us of a van version of the evil black sedan in the movie The Car. The backwoods surgery has rendered this wagon solely for shaggin’ so it’s now very limited in the utility department, but we still love it. It’s for sale over on Facebook Marketplace.

We can only imagine the bouquet of booze, blow, and resin that lingers in the back of this old Tradesman. Oh, if the walls could talk. The scars from the surgery are visible and the seller states that the van is a work in progress. It even has a rollbar.

We are told it runs and drives, but there is no information about what is powering it. We’d bet a plebian 318V8 and a TorqueFlite reside in the doghouse between the seats but who knows? It might be equipped with a Slant six. The seller says the chop is stitched welded in some places and fully welded in others. It looks rough as a cob and it suffers from the tin worm as well. Located in Hemet, California, it can be yours for $2500.00. If you add the $670 Califonia DMV fine, the bottom line jumps to $3170.00.

If we bought this van, we’d shore up the drivetrain, cooling system, and brakes to get it roadworthy. It would probably take mucho metal work to make it leakproof and have the doors work smoothly but we think the end result would be worth it.

Then, we’d spray it in heavy metal flake paint and add Larry Watson-esque scallops below the beltline to even the proportions. We’d slather the interior with shag carpeting from top to bottom, and add a burnt plywood framed bed and bar. To top it off we’d fit the van with a set of whitewalls and Crager mags. Next stop? The beach, the local swap meet, or maybe the In ‘N Out. Option “B” would be to pay a visit to the local demolition derby.

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